‘This joke’s funny eh? It’ll make you larf, ma lav’
aka
‘Thus joke’s funay. Ut’ll make ya roar, pal’
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
VIZ TOP TIP
Save money on Red Nose Day by simply using half the wax covering from a tasty Babybel cheese. Save your friends money too by giving them the other half.
TODAY I WILL MOSTLY BE….
eating kindling wood
JERSEY AND WEST LINTON WEATHER FORECAST BROUGHT TO YOU BY JOOLS
JERSEY’S FORECAST, BY CRI
Sunny and hot, mon vie.
IS IT GONNAE RAIN AGAIN IN WEST LINTON?
I’ve decided not to give tomorrows forecast because it’s too depressing.
Boo’s Bulletin
My neighbours cockerels were killed last night, probably a fox. I have too many cockerels so I gave her two of mine. I was walking through her stables carrying a cockerel to reach the chicken enclosure and it was raining (as usual), my glasses had steamed up and were slipping down my nose so I misjudged the height of the roof of one of the stable porches. It was about 5’10” high and I am 6 foot. I would estimate that the bump on my head is of similar size to a cup-cake. I actually teared up and nearly cried! It hurt so much!
WORD DU JOUR
Poo - excrement
You could use the word in a sentence like this…
Every morning I let the dogs out the front door to do a poo.
LIFE ADVICE
Wear your son’s skateboard helmet if you are going to walk under a stable porch that is shorter than you.
THINGS THAT GET ON MY WICK
- Stupid recipe instructions - ‘place the joint on a clean surface and carve.’ Phew, luckily they said to put it on a clean surface because I was going to put it in the cat litter tray and then carve it.
- Wimbledon
- Andy Murray (he is being interviewed on TV as I write this blog and he is a miserable git with no sense of humour but well done for getting thru to semi finals)
A few years ago in Jersey I saw an advert for a second hand climbing frame. I called the owner and they gave me directions to their house. I popped around to have a look at it but they weren’t in. I could see the frame in the front garden so I had a good look at it and decided that I wanted it. I therefore left a note for them:-
I’ve just seen the climbing frame and I really like it. I will come back another time and take it. Please call me on …..
They called me to find out WTF I was going on about because I was actually at the wrong house looking at the wrong climbing frame.
And finally something serious and educational…
Almonds are a member of the peach family
The Wombles used to be ball boys and girls at Wimbledon. It is unclear why they no longer work there but rumour has it that officials stopped using them because they were forever wandering off to clear up the mess on the common. Another school of thought is that they got upset and resigned because the audience were continually laughing at their pointy noses.
One of the Wombles is called Alderney and was named after the Channel Island where their creator, Beresford lived towards the end of her life. She appeared in the early books, but did not make it into the first TV series. Her character was revived in the second TV series.
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